Time to Mature

I liked school. I liked learning. And I liked getting As. In high school, I got As without doing some of the work I disliked. (Sadly.)

In English, for example, though I liked all of the other work we did, as tedious as some of it was (diagramming sentences, for example), I don’t remember reading even one whole book that was assigned – and there were dozens. They were just nauseatingly boring to me. If I couldn’t get through the first 30 pages without severe boredom, I wouldn’t ever finish them. I’d write the book reports based on what I had read and somehow I’d still get As. (Teachers, take note.)

I grew up in a house with parents who figured that if they liked to read, we would too. In a way, that was silly. In another, it was true.

The only books I ever read cover-to-cover in high school – excitedly and of my own accord – were some that my dad was reading that looked really intriguing – one by a famous psychic named Sylvia Browne, and one called Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch.

My dad grew up in a Lutheran home in Wisconsin, but his family rarely went to church or talked about God. (Ironically, he couldn’t stand that when he was growing up his mother yearned to be more psychic.) He became a Catholic in order to marry my mom, and he vowed to live out his life going to church and raising their children Catholic together.

Growing up Catholic, I fully understood my dad’s interest in God in ways that weren’t addressed by Catholicism. He was so captivated by the latter book by Walsch, a guy who sat down and asked God to speak truths through his pencil as he wrote on a piece of paper. I was naturally intrigued to have my questions answered as well when he passed the book on to me and began reading the second in the series.

We had hours of “theological” discussions together about the “truths” that God passed on to the author. So many of them made sense and some were a little questionable.

Unfortunately, no one in the Catholic church had inspired my dad to pick up a bible instead. (No one had inspired me either up to that point.) My brother Jack, who is 15 years older than I am and had been doing his own personal bible digging for many years, was disturbed by the things my dad was “learning.” They had their own discussions, and my brother’s frustration over my dad’s excitement in his newly forming “beliefs” prompted my brother to write his own biblically-informed version called Conversing with God and mail it to my dad.

If my dad had taken the time or had the interest to find his answers in the bible, he would have. He would have found much more. Unfortunately, reading the bible can seem like a boring pursuit if a person hasn’t tried it. Reading something by, say, a psychic can seem a lot more fascinating, especially if you know nothing of the biblical warnings against it.

Do not turn to mediums or necromancers; do not seek them out, and so make yourselves unclean by them: I am the Lord your God.

Leviticus 19:31

If a person turns to mediums and necromancers, whoring after them, I will set my face against that person and will cut him off from among his people.

Leviticus 20:6

And reading something written by a fellow man trying to figure out the meaning of life and God can be sympathetically captivating.

Thankfully, I’ve loved reading ever since the forcing of certain books on me ceased. In other words, ever since general requirement courses in college ended. I raised my kids perusing and excitedly picking out books in the library, always two feet or so of literary bulk in our arms each week as we walked to the car. I’m also grateful that someone helped me navigate the bible before my kids were born, so that I was able to raise them reading the bible, unintimidated (and “un-bored”) by it.

But we all have our “conversations with God” sometimes. I don’t mean prayers. We have our moments when we imagine the kinds of things we think God would say to us based on what we know of him.

I don’t really know if this is something God is saying to me, but I recently wrote the following in my journal…

What if God is saying…

“Edee, I gave you stability, security, comfort, all your basic needs, all your wants, children, all the time and resources to mother them, a beautiful home, a beautiful town, a beautiful country, an education, hot showers, warm food, abundant stores and money to buy their groceries, and the opportunity to live out anything and everything thanks to loving and provisional parents, siblings, friends, and marriage… And all you can focus on sometimes is the one thing you don’t have – the kind of marital love you long for? I know it’s a valid, needed love, but what if you’re being given every single new day to practice that kind of love to him? What if you’re being given the gift of opportunity to love others with your love? What if that so-called “lack” is an opportunity to live out other dreams with your time, as you’ve been doing here and there? And most importantly, what if that “lack” you perceive is actually abundantly loving in his own way and you aren’t seeing it? What if I’m using that “lack” in the meantime to keep you close to me? What if it were fulfilled – would you abandon me for its tangibility? Perhaps you’re not missing out on ME thanks to that lack you perceive. Would you have EVER sought me out if you had been able to put your all in someone earthly? Hmmm. What if he IS your mission field – your challenge to love another when it’s hard – not going to Africa someday? What if keeping your own soul on my path IS your mission field, not other souls? What if you’re being given every new day to love when it’s hard until you finally do it? It’s time to hold your tongue when you’re triggered by past hurts. It’s time to overflow with encouragement not because you need it reciprocated but because you are on loan from me. Can you do this? Yes. I’ve given you the tools you need. Pick them up now and use them. It’s time to mature.

Is God really saying that? Maybe. Maybe not. But from what I know of the bible, it’s always time to mature by loving someone when it’s hard.

4 Comments:

  1. Edee, here is a link to the letter I wrote to dad about “Conversations With God”.
    http://frontdoor.biz/theolsons/Jack/JaxFaith/WithGod.pdf
    I invested many nights, prayer and soul-searching on that one, so I have to admit I was a little disappointed that his only response to it was, “pretty deep!”
    Regardless, I gained more than I gave by going through it, and my faith grew and strengthened from the result. no regrets!

    • Oh, thank you so much for attaching this, Jack!! I sadly remember his lack of response. I saw it sit there on the counter for a long time, and I remember bugging him to even read it. I couldn’t figure out why he wouldn’t want to read his own son’s “book.” I’m sure the process was awesome, though.

  2. oops, I clicked too soon…
    I also wanted to thank you for sharing that last paragraph from your journal. I believe that if you are open to it, the Spirit of God is ready and willing to work through you. I believe that the kind of writing you are doing in your journal is evidence of that partnership.
    -=-=-=-=
    John 14:26 
    But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you. 
    -=-=-=-=
    but I also believe that other beings are also ready and waiting to take advantage of people who are open to that, (through mediums, Ouiji, Tea Leaves, etc.), and I think it is dangerous.
    Sometimes it is difficult to distinguish between the two in real life, but the bad ones will play to your ego, your pride, envy, greed, etc. and the Holy Spirit will never do that. The spirit is interested in love, kindness, compassion, etc. (sorry if I am repeating myself).
    On a related note: here’s a link to some thoughts on the overlap between the physical world and the spiritual world:
    http://frontdoor.biz/wordpress/2017/04/30/overlap/

    • That’s a really good point, Jack, about distinguishing between what’s of God and what’s not. I will go read your post…

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