Chapter 5: A Born-Again Virgin

I always figured I’d wait until marriage. That was the expectation, and I was glad for it. I couldn’t imagine being naked in front of anyone!

How things change when you go off to college and meet your knight in shining armor – “the one.” I went from puritan to sybarite my freshman year, knowing all the while that I’d eventually be married to him anyway.

About five or six years into our relationship, we were fixing lunch at my parents’ house. “Why would he buy the cow when he gets the milk for free?!” My mom wasn’t ever one to interfere in anyone’s life, but that was the one time she did. It just jumped out of her mouth, without any warning. He felt offended and I hated it. Perhaps it stung too accurately.

We dated for almost eight years until the day he decided he needed to go find himself. She was right.

Heartbreak led me into a rebound relationship lasting over two years. I had already given myself away the first time, so what was left to save?

When I finally came to my senses, I decided on a new paradigm – going back to the old me. True, there’s no actual going back. But I decided that since physical relations had gotten me no closer to finding my life’s companion, I’d start over – a “born-again virgin” I would be. Another thing I figured I was the first to think up. Not so, I now know, if you Google it.

Finally on my own after almost 10 years in two different relationships, I was relieved to start over. To have time to think. I figured I’d have a lot of time. I got out a piece of paper and wrote down an agreement with myself. I would not enter into another relationship for a good while unless a person I met just happened to have all of the important qualities necessary for a life spent with me. Then I listed each quality.

The morning I saw him, only a few weeks after writing my agreement, I was transfixed by his legs. I’ve always appreciated a muscular physique, and this guy riding a bike had legs I could really appreciate. I wanted legs like his!

I had always loved riding my bike everywhere, and I had been a bike tour guide after college, but my legs no longer resembled those of a bike rider. They were now legs of a photographer – nondescript.

We were out in front of the Old Mission Santa Barbara – how appropriate, a Catholic church! – admiring the chalk drawings at the I Madonnari Italian Street Painting Festival. I was being paid to photograph the drawings, he was walking through with his bike, in his cycling spandex get-up.

“Excuse me, hello! Do you know of an intermediate biking group in town that I could join?” I asked him. It was not a pick-up line. I’m not the type. I really wanted to know.

We got to talking and he invited me to ride with him. What a ridiculous idea. That was not what I was thinking. Look at his legs, look at mine; it would never work. He assured me he didn’t mind and was so kind that I eventually gave in and took him up on it.

Two days later, at the top of a mountain overlook we had biked all morning to reach, he asked me if I wanted to see a movie that night. Uh oh. I’m so naive. I guess it wasn’t as plutonic as I had assumed. Wasn’t I going to spend a nice, long time by myself rather than jumping into something new?

That night after the movie, we stopped at a restaurant to share a hamburger. I wasn’t going to waste anymore time on relationships, so I decided to lay some things on the table right away.

“I’m in a fair amount of debt from going for my dream job, and I’ve been in two relationships that lasted almost 10 years.” Seeing as he taught financial accounting, I knew the first point would probably be an instant deal-breaker, and judging by what I knew of his character already, the second would be equally intolerable.

He was quiet for awhile. I figured he’d formulate a polite response and we would part ways for good that evening.

Though I could see it was heavy for him to process, he remained lighthearted for the rest of our time together before dropping me off at home.

Hmmm.

I wasn’t sure where things stood, so a few nights later I called to see if he’d like to meet me to see a documentary film. He was game. After it ended, we sat in his car talking about all kinds of things. I decided to tell him my final potential deal-breaker. If it was going to end, I was bent on it being sooner rather than later. I didn’t want to waste anymore precious time on finding my companion.

“I need to tell you one more thing. I don’t want to get physically involved because it hasn’t ever gotten me closer to being with someone for good. I want to be a born-again virgin and wait until marriage from now on.”

How many guys would ever be okay with that one?

He didn’t skip a beat.

“I have something I need to tell you too, then,” he said. “I’m a Christian, so I don’t want to get physical either.”

Whoa! This? Coming from a guy? What did it mean? I guess I had never met a Christian guy before! All of a sudden I felt so at ease, like we could get to know each other without getting into all of the heavy stuff. What a relief I felt! Immediately, I felt safe with him; at home in his presence.

to be continued…

Copyright © 2020 Edee Kulper, excerpt from a book in progress